Self Absorption

[Written on May 11, in NYC]

So I told you all about The Zit That Ate Manhattan, which appeared just before I left on my trip, right? I guess it was almost to be expected, what with my having to have to have a photo shoot done today for the super-secret-for-only-a-few-more-weeks-at-most parenting website job.

[For the record, and as an aside, the makeup artist for the photo shoot? ROCKED. You almost couldn't tell how pathetically malformed my right cheek was, once she was done with me. And I think she will eventually recover from the shock of working on a 42-year-old woman who had never, not once, had eyebrow pencil applied to her face until today, and who still has never, not once, plucked a single eyebrow hair. She looked at me like I was from another planet, but I can't be the only one for whom eyebrows are not even an afterthought...can I?)

But if you thought Big Zit was enough humiliation for one person...you would be wrong, my friend. Because this morning? The morning on which my two-day orientation for this job began? I woke up without a voice. Gone. Nowhere to be heard. Now, I always get laryngitis after a cold, and I had a doozy last week. But, really. Tomorrow, at 9AM, I'm to do a video shoot for the website. Which will be interesting for, you know, a MUTE. A mute with a zit that deserves its own zip code. Hollywood, here I come!

By the way, here's a makeup-artist tip for you all: To dry up pimples asap, just put a dab of toothpaste on them. I feel so in the know now, and ever so glamorous, as I sit here in a Manhattan hotel room covered in little dots of Crest Whitening Formula. But, seriously, I had never heard of anything like that; had you? Oh, please don't tell me that it's yet another one of those Girl School things that I missed, along with the demonstration on how to use a blowdryer and a round brush at the same time, and the tutorial that explains why the hell anyone would ever want to put on foundation.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? I didn't just miss that day of Girl School. I missed ALL the days of Girl School. Except, of course, for the sex ed days.

[Edited to add: For the record, the only saving grace about the video shoot was the laryngitis. Because without it, I would have just sucked. This way, I sucked, but they also pitied me, and I came out looking somewhat like a good sport. A sucky good sport, but a good sport nonetheless.]