Little Bits of N

A sneeze from downstairs.
"Mommy!"
"Yeah?"
"My sneeze is still back!"
"Oh? Oh, yeah, I hear that."
"My sneeze is still back, but my cough is gone. My cough is gone, but my sneeze? Still back."
A sudden cough from downstairs.
"Oh no! My cough is still back, too!"

*******
Baroy: OK, guys, time to get in pjs.
N, stamping his foot: Fuck!
Dead silence.
Me: What did you say?
N, smiling slyly: Fuck!
Me: Where did you get that word from?
N, without hesitation: Daddy.

[Baroy's only comment in the email he sent to his brothers? "Busted."

*******
There was an immediate, detectable difference in N the other night. As we were getting ready to leave, to take him and Em to a group babysitting site so that Baroy and I could go to a PTA dinner, he grabbed his stuffed dog. "This is for in case I get scared," he said.

As we were walking in, he announced, "I'm not shy of the people. I'm shy of Mommy and Daddy leaving." We explained to him that we'd be back later, that Em would stick by him and help him. I did note, with raised eyebrows, that he let us go quite easily.

But nothing could have prepared me for what we saw when we got back. Em, in one of the downstairs rooms, playing with a friend from school. And N, upstairs, in another room, watching a movie with the rest of the kids, sitting on the lap of his "new best friend," a teenaged boy.

As we left, the various people there called goodbye to him, told us how adorable he'd been, how much they'd enjoyed having him. Nothing about crying or hiding or baby voices or imaginary friends. Em said he'd played with the big boy primarily, but with other kids as well. Other kids! There just aren't words for how my heart leapt. This could have been--almost should have been--a recipe for disaster. Instead, I show up at the end, and nobody looks at me funny, nobody talks to me about "warning signs" or "red flags." They just think he's adorable, and they tell me how well he did. They don't know that there are or have been issues. They just know that this cute kid came and played and left. Like any other cute kid would.

I couldn't have been happier.