The Eternal Optimist

Hmmm. Lots of congratulations on my book, but apparently, NO BUYING. Come ON, boys and girls. My Amazon.com sales rank hasn't budged. Oh, I get it. You're all waiting for it to come out in the book stores so that you can ask for it by name and then create a sense of widespread interest in it, right? And also so that you can pay full price for it, so I get as much royalty bang for my buck as possible, right? I see what you're doing. You're smart. Very smart.

On to other matters, which I will cover in brief (ha! not likely) bullet format. To wit:

• You can stop worrying about my mental health right now. I am going to cured--CURED, I tell you--by Thanksgiving. See, I have a psychiatrist appointment on Tuesday, during which I will sob quietly about the apparent likelihood that I will need to switch meds yet again because this one is doing bupkis for me, and he will take out of his pocket a magic pill that I will swallow, and upong swalowing, instantly become sane and happy and calm again. What? It could happen. And then, just in case the magic pill doesn't materialize, I have an initial appointment with a psychologist on Wednesday, to whom I will tell my tale of woe, and from whom will come a single sentence of such utter profundity that the scales will fall from my eyes, and I WILL BE SANE AGAIN. I'm sure of it.
• Yesterday, I discovered the upside of high gas prices. An upside? you say. Yes, an upside. See, as part of my preparation for being totally and completely cured--CURED, I tell you--I have decided to only look at the bright side of things. And, yesterday, the bright side of the gas prices was made very clear to me when I went to Crate&Barrel, where I can normally not even afford to browse, and bought an insanely expensive roasting pan with a TURKEY LIFTER and an INJECTION BASTER and a BRAND NAME, i.e., Calphalon. Me! I bought an expensive cooking device! For myself! And it's all thanks to the higher gas prices, which led to more American Express Reward points, which led to a $50 Crate&Barrel gift certificate after redemption of said points, which led to the purchase of an insanely expensive roasting pan. And did I mention it has a turkey lifter? And an injection baster? And that it's made by a company I've heard of before? And that you don't throw it out after dinner is over? Yay for the gas prices! Raise 'em again, I say! Mama needs a new pair of saute pans!
• Less than a week from now is my favorite holiday of the year, bar none. Food, glorious food. All my favorite dishes. Many of my favorite people. All gathered at my house. And best of all, no quasi-religious symbolism to get me all hot and bothered and petulant and whiny and annoyed and all those other things that are about to come fast and furiously--in fact, probably even before the last post-turkey dish is run through the dishwasher. But on Thanksgiving Day, that will not matter. Because there will be all that food. And those favorite people. And warmth and thanks and good cheer. And me, newly cured of all my psychological woes. CURED, I tell you. It's going to be great.