Tiny Coconut

I have things.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Dark Places

The viral storm has all but passed; what remains, however, is pain.

I've had this headache now for three days. I don't get migraines, so I'm not going to even pretend that this is the worst pain known to man or woman. It hurts, but it's not incapacitating. If I would just take a couple of pills, it would probably go away entirely.

But I won't. I'm sort of enjoying the pain. Or, rather, I'm not really enjoying it at all, but I'm reveling in it, luxuriating in it, because it makes physical the place my head has been lately, anyway. It gives me an excuse to snarl and snap at anyone who dares approach me. It allows me to retreat into dark, quiet corners of the house, because the light and noise make me physically wince and twitch. This is good, because they've been making me psychically wince and twitch for what feels like ages now, but nobody buys that as an excuse for hiding away. This? This works in just four words: I have a headache.

Friday and yesterday I was able to get away with not medicating the pain away, because the nausea was too severe; I would never have been able to keep down a stomach-irritant like Advil. But today, I fear, I'm going to have to give in and behave like the responsible adult parent that I am and let the pain slip away from me. Sadly, it's unlikely to take the other pain, the real cause of the wincing and twitching and seeking solace in dark places, with it. Right now, nothing seems to be able to touch that.

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