From One Extreme To Another

Em and I went to spend a few hours today at a local botanical garden. When I say that we had the following three conversations, in this exact order, in the space of half an hour, I am in no way exaggerating. When I say that after each one of them I had to say to myself, "She's NINE?" I am in no way exaggerating. And when I say that I almost choked on my tongue trying not to laugh after the last one, considering the two that came before, I am in NO WAY exaggerating.

ONE:

Em: Mom, why have you been sleeping so much lately?
Me: I don't really know, sweetie. I just can't seem to get up in the morning, and I'm tired all the time. But you don't need to worry about me. I'm fine.
Em, after a moment's consideration: I know. But do you think you should go see your therapist again? Maybe she can help you figure all of this out so you don't have to do it by yourself.

TWO:

Em's friend's cousin D is 15 and is, to put it lightly, troubled. Em loves following her antics. Recently, she acted out by cutting off all her hair.

Em: D is complaining that everyone at school is making fun of her about her hair.
Me: Oh, really?
Em: Of course they are! What did she expect? (Rolls her eyes.) Talk about your natural consequences!

THREE:

Me: I'm excited about Christmas at Uncle Marc's and Uncle Glen's house.
Em: Me too. But I haven't thought about what I want Santa to bring me this year. There are some things I know you won't buy me that I think I'll ask him for...