I Love My Job

As part of a project I'm working on for ParentsConnect, a PR firm I'd contacted sent me a pitch letter, a press release, and a...I kid you not...Know Your Mucus Fact Sheet, complete with a set of "Fun Facts About Mucus."

These are the perks of my job. Other people get jetted off to the Virgin Islands to attend 'conferences'; I get to become more intimately acquainted with the literal ins and outs of snot than any human being could want to be. But here's my secret: I love this sort of shit. (Though a conference in the Virgin Islands wouldn't be bad, either.)

I won't leave you in the dark any longer: here are the purported fun facts, unedited and unexpurgated. (I'll leave it up to you to decide whether they're actually fun or not.)

• Adults produce about four cups of mucus a day.
• A sneeze travels out of the body at about 100 miles per hour.
• The digestive system eliminates most of the mucus people swallow.
• Consuming dairy products will not thicken mucus. However, dairy products make mucus more white in color when people are not feeling well.

Go now and amaze your friends and family over your Thanksgiving turkeys with all you've learned about mucus today.

You don't have to thank me. It was my pleasure.