A Day In The Life

I feel sort of keyed up today, I thought as I trudged up the hill at 8 am to take the kids to school, then took the long way home to make sure Snug got enough exercise to tire him out for a while so I could get some work done.

Not exactly anxious, but definitely a little out of control, I mused as I spent a couple of hours juggling calls for my university job with emails from my ParentsConnect job.

Or maybe just kind of distracted, I thought as I spent an hour on the phone with my father's girlfriend, reassuring her about the results of some neurological tests he'd had taken the week before, after symptoms that indicated the possibility of a mini-stroke.

I wonder if my meds just aren't working right, I considered as I trudged back up the hill to the kids' school at noon, Snugless this time, to spend an hour volunteering in Em's classroom, running copies, pasting haikus onto construction paper, keeping the kids in line while they waited to sign their Red Ribbon Week drug-free pledge.

I mean, it's only been three weeks or so, so maybe I'm just not giving it enough time, I chided myself as I ran up to the kindergarten classrooms, late because the pledge-signing had taken longer than expected, only to find that N and Mrs. W were already heading to the office since I hadn't been there on time to pick him up.

She must think I'm a total flake, and maybe I am, I thought grimly as I apologized to her and took N's hand, walking him home while he chattered away about the joys of being Line Leader this week and getting to stand at the head of the line wherever the class went.

Part of the problem is definitely a lack of patience on my part, I mused an hour later as I sat with N as he did his homework--plus the extra writing practice his teacher has asked us to take on--while Baroy picked up Em at school.

It would be nice to know whether that lack of patience is just something I'll have to live with my whole life, or whether it's something that the right drug, the right diet, the right regimen would address, I considered as I switched over to helping Em with her increasingly beyond-my-abilities math homework, returned a few work-related calls, and checked in with my boards on ParentsConnect.

It'd probably help if I was a more organized person, I admitted as I bundled Em into the car at 3:45 to take her to religious school, 20 minutes away.

Part of my problem is definitely that I fly by the seat of my pants way too much, I told myself as I took a long walk around the temple's neighborhood while Em was in class, stopping at a bookstore to look up some information for an article I'm writing, grabbing a decaf coffee and then walking back to the temple while checking emails on my Blackberry, only then realizing that I had a PTA meeting scheduled for that evening and the minutes from the last meeting weren't printed out.

Idiot, idiot, idiot, I berated myself as we drove home at 6:30, any relaxation derived from the walk vanishing.

Clearly, I'm just at a loss for how to handle my life, I muttered to myself as I printed out and signed a dozen sets of minutes, then dashed over to the meeting at 7:15, 15 minutes late.

And mostly, it's my poor kids who suffer for it, what with my inability to keep my temper in check and my overall ditziness these days, I thought as I drove back home at 8:30 to find N just waking from a 'nap,' hungry for dinner.

What sort of example am I setting for them being so scattered and snappish? I considered as I heated up some pizza for N and myself, suddenly realizing how hungry I was, too.

I really do need to get my life under control and bring some order to it so that my kids can have order in their lives, I decided as I cuddled with N before Baroy put him to bed at 9:15, then read with Em in her room until nearly 10:00.

Because all of this flying by the seat of my pants is getting old, I thought as I spent a couple of hours sending out more work emails, putting together a document for one of my university projects, and creating a letter for Em's teacher about Accelerated Reading reports, something I hadn't had a chance to finish while I was in the classroom that afternoon.

Mostly, I think it's all about not letting myself get so keyed up, and learning to go with the flow a little better, I thought as I slipped into bed around midnight and read for a while, unable to relax enough to go to sleep. I really ought to be able to handle my life with a little more grace and aplomb. I really ought to be able to get through the day without feeling like I'm going to fall apart. I really ought to get my shit together.