Answers and Update

There were a few questions sprinkled in the (very reassuring) comments to Monday's post. I figured I'd just quickly answer them here, and then give you the "what happened next" update.

So. Jane asked why we went into the room with N. The truth is, we had told him we were going to stay outside, and he immediately got nervous. So I said I'd ask the teacher if maybe one of us could sit inside the room. But I didn't even get to that point, because when he hid his face in his hands and refused to come out from behind my legs, she immediately said, "Hey, how about if I break the rules and let mommy and daddy come in with you?"

Allison asked if it is possible to hold him back a year. Not really, for a couple of reasons. The first is that he's a January baby, and so is already going to be one of the oldest in his class, turning 6 just a few months after starting school. (Although, in reality, because he's so small, holding him back even until he's almost 7 probably wouldn't be a huge issue in that sense.)

The other reason that I don't want to hold him back is that he's pretty darned smart. He knows his letters and numbers, can write a little, can read a bit, can add and subtract--and all this without me working with him. A year from now, he'd be so bored in class that he'd likely be a problem for other reasons, even if the social stuff was nominally better.

As for the update, well, I'm already feeling significantly less depressed about all of this. Part of it was getting such encouraging responses. In particular, Cate and Paula, because I know they have both btdt, made me feel so much better about the 'worst-case scenario,' which isn't really that bad a case, to be honest.

The other thing that's making me feel better is the conversation that I had with one of the women on the PTA board on Tuesday night. She's one of the kindy teachers at the school, and when I told her about what had gone on, she asked me who I thought would be the best teacher for him (she was Em's teacher and I'd totally choose her, except she's probably going to have a split class, which would be The Worst Thing for N) and we talked about the pros and cons of the other teachers, and she said she'll keep an eye out when it comes time to place the kids in classes, and I shouldn't worry about it. So that helps, knowing that someone on the 'inside' is going to bat for him.

But, really, I think it will come down to N; whether he wants to adjust quickly or not. One of the things the OTs said about him when I met with them at the end of their sessions with him was that they think he has a lot of internal 'say' about how he responds; that he can do almost anything if he wants to, but cannot be made to do anything if he doesn't. This is so very true.

And if I'm forced to look at the silver lining (Gah! Optimism! It's so against my very nature!), I do have to say that the evaluation probably saved me from a much worse response on the first day of school. I'm now back to expecting next-to-nothing from that day, which is good, because if he does even slightly well, it'll be wonderful, and if he melts down, it won't take me by surprise the way Monday's events did, you know? I'm back to looking at the big picture; not whether he has to be dragged into the classroom on the first day, or if he makes a decent first impression on his schoolmates, but whether he's functioning in the classroom after a week, two weeks, a month. And if he's not? Then we get him help. And life goes on, and he's still my boy, and I still love him to eensy beensy little pieces, and he's still totally amazing in so many ways.

See what a little perspective will do? Thanks, all you perspective-givers out there.