What I'm Thinking, 4:15 a.m. PST

What the fuck? I have almost never had insomnia in my life. It is still insomnia when you fall asleep like a freaking log at night, but wake up in the middle of the night all jangling nerves and racing brain, right? The only other time I went through this, I was pregnant. Actually, it was my first pregnancy symptom with both Em and N.

Poor N. He's going to need two surgeries--a hernia and an undescended testicle, to be specific and probably entirely too graphic. This kid really, really can't catch a break sometimes. I'm worried about it, though right now that worry centers more around him being in pain. (I can't imagine an incision in a scrotal sac is going to be a lot of fun for him.)

Shouldn't I be feeling the Xnax by now?

Damn. The Discovery Health channel never lets me down at this time in the morning; there's almost always a much-worse-than-mine sick baby story to take my mind off of things, but instead I've got one of those 'informational' child health programs, which annoy me for stupid reasons. (It's too close to the kind of writing I do, so I analyze rather than listen.)

How am I going to get through a nine-hour day tomorrow, especially after my review on Friday, where the words "increased productivity" and "less Web surfing" were used. Hmph. The truth hurts, I guess.

I really need to push on getting the school district to assess N. Otherwise, the problem might just go away on its own. Bah. It's literally impossible to be sure I'm doing the right thing these days. Still, I have to push the school district for its assessment, mostly because it's the principle of the thing right now. They were supposed to have set up an assessment by now, and they need to understand that I won't be denied the basics that the law allows for. So there.

What the fuck? That's like the third car to drive down this street in the past ten minutes...and we live on a dead end. Do my neighbors really leave or work at 4:24 am?

Hmmm. THat was fast; I'm already starting to get to the woozy point of the evening. Sleep can't be too far away. I just hope it wears off before I have to drive to work. I'm having a hard time remembering what else I was so worried about. Hey...even my jaw is unclenching! Woohoo!

I wish someone would just rock me to sleep. I know, however, that I passed that stage about 30 years ago.

Damn it's cold down here. Perhaps it wasn't the brightest move to decide to turn off the heater's pilot light this weekend. But, in our defense, it was 90 degrees out there? Who knew that two days later we'd struggle to get out of the 70s?

G'night.