Things

Life is getting ahead of me these days. There's so much to write about, and yet, I sit and stare at the blank screen more often than not, conflicting thoughts running through my head. (Is this something anyone would want to read about? Is it a good idea to write about that? Will someone be angry at me if I say what I'm thinking? Will anyone care?)

Better off, right now, I think, to just give the bare bones of the things that have been going on, rather than try to plumb the depths of my psyche.

1. A Half-Century of Baroy: My beloved turned 50 on Tuesday. He spent most of the day smiling, which is contrary to what he--and I--thought he would do. He loved the new HDTV DVD player I got him, he loved the half-knitted scarf Em is making for him, he loved the Rosh Hashanah children's services at our new temple (more on that), he loved the bottle of 12-year-old scotch I presented him with to make up for the fact that the day was too busy for me to make him a nice dinner. He got phone calls galore, enough so that the ones he didn't get didn't upset him. In fact, rather than looking at the negative (his formerly closest friend didn't even remember to call), he kept commenting on the positive, the calls and cards that surprised him because he didn't know the senders would remember. "I love our friends," he said, getting off the phone with Susanna and Doug. Even the earlier-in-the-week freakout he'd had over finances didn't spoil the day. Next up: Party on the 22nd. I'm copying what he did for my 40th, at his request, and hoping he'll enjoy that as well. He deserves it. I mean, man. Fifty years.

2. Our new temple continues to make me smile. I know this is just a honeymoon period, and once I know people well enough to hear about the politics and the feuds I'll be less impressed, but I'll take it for now. After watching Em volunteer to help open the ark, and then watching her and N parade around the room where the family service was held with the rest of the kids, all holding little stuffed, plush versions of the torah, beaming as if they'd been given a special award...well, that about did me in.

3. I have decided that if I'm going to be miserable in this job until I can find a way out, the least I can do for myself is allow myself to speak freely. There is no boss, still, so nobody's going to fire me for my 'attitude.' And at least now I don't feel like I'm going to explode. When something sucks, I say so. It helps a little. Not much, but nothing short of a new job will do that. (Anyone have a job for a really great science writer/essayist who needs to telecommute and needs health insurance? Yeah, me neither.)

4. We forgot to remind N to go to the bathroom before we left for school this morning, so it wasn't much surprise when he announced he needed to go when we were in traffic with no way out. He kept asking me if it was "OK" for him to pee in his pants, and I kept telling him that I wasn't going to give him permission.

"But I need to!" he said.

"What do you want from me, then?" I said.

"I need the voice to tell me, 'Go peepee in your pants,'" he replied.

"Whose voice?" I said. "My voice?"

"No, the voice that says 'Go peepee in your pants,'" he said.

"But whose voice is that?" I asked.

"My voice. Inside my head."

Greeeeeeaaaaaaaaat. Imaginary friends AND voices in his head. And another set of wet clothes for me to wash.

5. Driving back from the Little Gym yesterday with Em, I looked over my shoulder as I tried to explain something to her.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" she barked.

"What?" I said.

"You need to pay more attention to what you're doing. You don't want to have an accident, do you?"

My eight-year-old is a backseat driver. It's official. My mother's you-should-only-get-one-exactly-like-you curse has come true.