Random Acts of Food Violence

When i was pregnant with E, Baroy and I went out one night for dinner at a really yummy Italian place that was walking distance from our house. It was late spring, early summer, and after eating lots of garlicky food, we started to meander home. We got to our block, and as we were walking down the street, a carload full of teenaged boys comes by, music blasting, raucous laughter streaming out of the open windows. And then, without warning, something comes flying out of the window and hits me right in the face. More laughter, and the car speeds away.

I stop, stunned, and then suddenly, my eyes start to burn violently. "Oh my god, oh my god!" I yell. "Acid! I think they threw acid at me!" In that milisecond I imagine myself permanently scarred, blind, never able to see my child. I'm terrified.

Baroy is doing one of those trying-to-run-after-the-car while at the same time trying-to-make-sure-I'm-OK things, but finally he just returns to my side...and starts to laugh. At the exact same second, I realize I'm smelling something very familiar, very...taco saucy. I wipe my eyes with my hands, then sniff, then taste. Yep. Just as I suspected. Medium salsa from the Del Taco down the street. I look down. Shards of burrito all over the sidewalk.

It was official. I'd been the victim of a drive-by burritoing.