Her Anxiety

Last night, Em came out of her bedroom, crying. Seems she couldn't fall asleep. Seems she's been having these "worrying" thoughts. Seems she's been having recurring worries about being kidnapped, and is having trouble falling asleep at night.

Dealing with that announcement was easy--or, rather, it was easy helping Em though the moment and coming up with a compromise soluton that would make her feel safe. But if I weren't already in day 3 of another who-the-hell-knows-where-it-came-from panic attack, that would have certainly been the reason for a flare.

For one thing, there's guilt over the fact that this is my anxiety--that of her, and her brother, being kidnapped by Crazy Stalker Lady (CSL). Then there's guilt over the fact that I was talking about exactly that, but in what I'd assumed was 'code,' with Baroy earlier that evening (I was filling out the annual emergency forms for school, and asked him if he thought it would be OK to just write that she's only to be released to people she knows, since CSL is not someone she knows) and maybe she picked it up and internalized it, making me the cause of her anxiety as well as the source.

Of course, as my therapist pointed out to me today, this is a really 'normal' and common anxiety for a kid to have, so probably I'm neither the cause nor the source. But, of course, I'd rather wallow in guilt for a while longer, instead of letting myself off the hook. And so I shall. And so I am.